Thanks for joining me! You’re probably asking what is Orange Toenail Theory? How did I end up here and why? I am asking myself the same thing as this is my very first blog and what the heck is a blog anyways? What do I do or say? I’ll start with the website name first and what I hope this becomes, hoping you and others stick around and enjoy what my mind and experiences spew out through words.
Orange Toenail Theory;
I am a Firefighter and my Wifey is a Nurse. A charge night nurse, a very beautiful charge night nurse, a very stubborn and beautiful charge night nurse. I am the grumpy firefighter in this story let’s leave me at that for now. A very handsome grumpy firefighter? Nah let’s just stick with grumpy firefighter for now because I’m going to sound like a complete asshole in a minute. But trust me I am a very loving, open, self reflecting, romantic, crazy in love man with a beautiful mind and heart or I’m just full of shit.
What I have learned through this journey of personal and relationship growth is that our realities may be different then someone else’s. So how I remember this story and how it happened may be completely different then her’s/ someone else’s. That’s just a nice way of saying I’m lying and she is lying; there are three sides to every story rule right? YES! and it’s true what you feel or remember of what happened is true, what she/he remembers and feels about what happened is also true. What matters is what are you going to do about it and how can you help/fix/adjust or even just listen and shut your mouth the best you can and listen. That goes for both parties involved.
Now that I’ve rambled on again here is the story…….
My wifey went out one day to get a pedicure, went to lunch with her friend, and I believe she ran to Publix also for groceries. Not sure if the Publix part is correct but between her and I we live at Publix because we live off of their subs, sweat tea, and we love cooking good food together. (if you have never had a Publix sub I pray one day you get one, it’s life changing) I’m an amazing cook by the way, I’m just stating some positive things about myself before I turn into the asshole in this story. I forget what I was doing that day, I was home I know that and I’m not sure if I just got off of a 24 hour shift or not. She comes home and I’m sitting on the couch, she sets the couple bags on the counter and walks over to me by the couch. I can always envision her walking over towards me, those sexy legs in shorts and a t-shirt on, her long hair always looking perfect even if it’s slightly out of place from blaring music while driving with the windows down. So she scoots towards me before doing anything else and says babe look at my toes they’re orange, my reply and I quote ” yeah they’re orange”. That was it by me, that’s what I gave her. “Yeah, they’re orange”.
What a complete swing and a miss by me. She set me up to give her some affirmation, a compliment or anything and that’s what I say. Now this might not seem like a big deal to anyone, to me at the time is wasn’t either. Is it truly a big deal? No it’s not. But what is a big deal is when we fail at times with our partner when they set us up with a beach ball tossed right down the center of the plate setting us up for a home run and we still miss it or don’t even swing. As a man, a manly man, alpha male, or just a complete fucking moron in general since anyone, any sex or stature can read this story and be like so fucking what it’s only nail polish on toes. Well that’s where I was wrong and where I went wrong my friends. Whatever fucking mood I was in or place in my life at this point had me feeling/thinking the same way.
The story gets worse, trust me. You see I love bright Orange, it’s a color I became fond of years ago and just love bright colored hunter safety neon orange, I don’t want my truck or bedroom painted that color but I like it or as an accent color on clothing. Well guess what she did, she accented one of the very most important and special things in my life with my favorite color herself. I mean granted it is a pretty badass color and she probably did it to look awesome and cool like me (sarcasm). Not only that she got me to-go food from Chili’s while she was out to lunch with her friend something she didn’t have to do she was on her own time with her friend but thought of me.
Some people can chalk this up to well that’s what we do if we love someone, some people expect it **in my best redneck voice possible “Damn, straight she better bring me home some chicken tenders if she’s out having all the fun and being selfish without me, I deserve a Apple Mango Tango Margarita also and some FaahhJJeetaas”** I’m sorry but as adults and people who love each other, do not expect or demand anything from your partner. A great Paramedic I once worked with used to always say, Never Have Expectations They Only Lead To Disappointment. I’m not sure how I feel about that quote but I’ve never forgotten it. I’m a very lucky man to have someone paint their stinky feet fingers orange for me and grab me some food, a very lucky man indeed.
She took it like a champ but not internally, I had no clue wtf I did wrong or that I even did anything wrong. And as you’ll hear in a second when I got defensive I didn’t give a fuck (but yes I did because why would I get defensive). I wanna say about an hour later maybe hours later I’m sitting on the back porch and she comes out the sliding glass door, she makes a statement of her toes again and the orange toe nail polish. The facts at this point are kind of hazed from time, long story short she thought in her mind maybe I was just grumpy or in a mood earlier or even understood that I had “man-brain” and she tried again to bring it to my attention. Can you guess who closed their ears and opened their mouth? Yepppppp this guyyyyyyy right here. It turned into a fight somehow, I think I was a jerk and said something along the lines of “yes I saw them earlier cool they’re orange” and probably a dumb eyebrow raised look on my face. Because in my head what I said earlier was loving or caring or acknowledging the toes when my head did not match my words what so ever. Because all I said was ” Yepp they’re orange”. And now that its later on in the day and in my head I feel shes being needy or like I failed or did something wrong or not good enough for her I got instantly defensive. I failed her and didn’t even know it. She just wanted some love or affirmation. That wasn’t like me, I’m a very loving sweet man, full of surprises, thoughtfulness, amazing romantic things and ideas.
That night I don’t remember if we fought or argued, I know we did later on at some point not sure if it was that week or a month later when we had a tiff about something and all of a sudden she gives me the third degree ass chewing about not acknowledging her Orange Toe Nails or even thanking her about the food. Of course what did I do? got defensive and argued right back. But it was that evening as I sat and reflected on her words and mine and that day in general, the Orange toenail day something clicked, I had realized that I let her down without realizing it. What scared me and made me the saddest of all was she set me up for the love and affirmation, I didn’t have to put forth much effort at all. I didn’t have to shop for hours on Amazon or go mow her parents yard in the summer heat or much of anything at all to give her the love she wanted and needed. She just needed some affirmation. I sat back and thought for a second well if she needed something she should have said something or just came over and loved on me, nope that was my defensive thought process again trying to pass this off as a her thing and not an US thing.
So it got me thinking, well I know I’m an amazing man in many ways, I do love her, I always always always love to hear her smile and laugh and impress her with anything. I love to tell her she’s beautiful or something is special about her or write her love notes or tons of texts at times. But something happened with us and neither of us as hard as we tried could put our fingers on it. That’s the day I came to the realization I needed to work on myself and Us, The Orange Toenail Day.
When we tried to talk one of us would feel talked down to, when we fought we fought hard, when we loved we loved even harder. The spark and love was always there but bad habits, insecurities and resentment was formed. Or were they always there???? Woahhhhh Mind blown right? Maybe some past issues from childhood maybe? When your mom accidentally ruined your Orange VHS Rugrats Movie did that have an impact on you somehow? Probably not but it’s kind of cool to explore what did or didn’t mold us and what excuses we make about it or don’t even realize we make.
Relationships and Marriage can be hard, they are hard. Life is hard but it’s so beautiful. People suck, everyone sucks in some way. Our jobs, barely seeing each other for 1 day out of every 2 weeks at times sucked. Sometimes when we did see each other one of us was moody, we aren’t the most pleasant of beautiful people without some rest and a big ass cup of coffee. It has taken a ton of reading, blind faith, therapy, self recognition, past life realizations, countless hours on youtube videos, audio books, to even fuck you but I love you letters or therapy sessions, and so much more. We have become stronger a lot of it has to do with becoming strong yourself so you’re stronger for each other. Learning and realizing when you’re causing shit (and you will cause some shit) to stop and listen and use it as a step up instead of a weight.
This blog is to hopefully share just whatever, our struggles & stories, our co-workers struggles & stories. People see a uniform and our smiling faces and think damn I’d love to be them. Maybe not, maybe so. We’re going to share some stupid memes, inspirational stuff, great books, literature, excerpts, lessons from us, positive vibes, karma, spaghetti monster above shit, bad stuff, and talk or share things from addiction to breakups, fat food to sex, maybe even give you something to put on your wall at home like one of those damn Laugh, Love, Live signs every xanaxed out housewife has on their wall. Follow Us on Twitter Also @orangethinker
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton